Born in a shirt. Memoirs

My father disinherited me when I married the woman I loved. I had to be a real estate agent, a journalist and an export company employee until, convinced that I could not mend my relationship with my father, I went... into exile in South Africa to become a gardener.
One American woman carefully examined Rembrandt's self-portrait. She looked at it for a long time and very carefully, and then turned to me and asked: “Where is the original?..” Another lady looked at the plates, dishes, vases and bowls made of pure gold, and was completely absorbed in their contemplation. Finally, she looked up from the dishes and saw me standing next to her. “I like your copper cookware,” she said. “What do you use to clean it?”
And now I will answer the question of how to open the family home to the public. I am often asked: how many Rembrandts do you need for a family home? Is gold service necessary? - You don’t need Rembrandts at all, and even less so a gold service. Then what do you need first? I can answer this question firmly and without the slightest hesitation: the first thing you need are good toilets, and in large quantities. To many, of course, such an answer will seem cynical. I've been called a cynic before, but I started out as an idealist. When figuring out what to offer visitors, I also had in mind paintings and other objects of artistic and historical value. I also thought that toilets were of secondary importance. But now, having learned my lesson, I voluntarily and generously share my newfound wisdom with newcomers to our business...
John, XIII Duke of Bedford